31st Aquamarine Day, 94th Scroll - AM

It has been a little over twenty four hours since the ER room and I still am slow and unsure of what I can and can't do. Got doctors today at 3pm, hopefully they can situate what's up with me. Currently know this much, greasey foods are not good or tolerated by my body right now. And the Vicadin I'm taking has me all layed out so I'm really not getting anything done while Molly's away. That really bites. Since I had a good size list of things to do. Barely have enough strength to do all this typing. Really missing Molly at the moment, but she is having such a wonderful time at her dad's in Missouri. Though she is very concerned about me and calls or txts several times aday to check on me. It's very sweet. Would go to work, but again the painkillers leave me layed up and drooling on myself. No room for comprimise. Really hate being in this condition, wonder if the doc is going to tell me that I've been losing too much weight too fast. If so then that I can fix, but if it goes back to talks about them removing my Pancreas again I'm not sure I'll feel to comfortable.

29th Aquamarine Day, 62nd Scroll

Well, life can take you down many roads real fast. For me, today was the road leading to the ER. I woke up around 330am and had shooting pain from my abdominal area straight on through to my back almost as if in my spine. Wondered about my house until finally Molly had me call the consulting nurse from GH. I would have called sooner, but I just thought I over did my excersise the day before. Well I ended up at St. Joseph's Hospital ER, and was taken back emidiately. There I had this really sweet, young nurse looking after me. I think she really felt sorry for me, for all the pain I was going through and how little of a fuss I was making for her. The doctor was very good too. He was straight forward, told me what he wanted to do and he was going to figure out what was wrong. Apparently from his stand point it had something to do with my abdominal area. So I layed there in misery, waiting for what tests they would do on me. I had another person in the same room and I can say this. We were curtained off but just hearing her vomit and complain and all sorts of other things kinda took my pain away at moments. Made me feel alittle better about the situation I was in, especially once I heard her say methadome. I knew at that point I really wasn't suffering from drugs, mine was cause I either over worked out or I ate bad food or something along that line. Finally I could wait no longer, I called the nurse and she brought me some Vicadin. I never had that painkiller before, nor did it do anything at the time. I let the pain over come me and just layed there silently moaning to myself. After that I had to run to the bathroom or it would be ugly. I gave back all the pizza and food we ate the night before during dinner. I know sick huh? Well then I felt a little better, but still so much pain. Finally the nurse went to check on the doctor, and it turns out that he didn't forget me. A woman had come into the the ER and was pretty much going to have the baby right at door way and so that's what had called him away for so long. Well finally the nurse got the doctors request after taking a blood/urine sample from me that I needed to have X-rays done. Well before that I told her the pain was still just as bad, that's when she sought out to get me some real relief and brought me some Morphine. She put it in through me cathader they had attached to my right arm. The world slow became one weird dream with me not knowing where or who I was any more. I thought I was sending txt messages to people and I didn't even have my phone in hand. I ask the X-ray Tech should I turn my phone off and she was already done with me. When they were wheeling me around in my bed, all I could hear is the theme music to Six Feet Under. And to top it off my feet were green at one point. Molly's friend Michelle called me then showed up at the hospital, and she too saw what cloud I was swinging from. Watching me hold up my cellphone and then put it down saying that message is awesome. Funny part is I didn't even do any thing, let alone I never sent any txt messages. Molly was having trouble understanding anything I did send her, I was too high and gone for her to even know where I was coming from. After all that fun and excitement, doctor came back and told me that my blood/urine work came out all good, but from the X-rays he had some concern about my Pancrease having an over production of White Blood Cells. It was in flamed as he put it. Well I was given a prescription for Anti-biotics and more Viacadin, then sent on my way. Good thing Michelle had come, cause if I had desided to drive I would have been real slow and not sure if I would have made it to Pharmacy and home in one piece. I am very fortunate to have people to care and be there for me. Molly's cousin them were standing by too which was very nice. Got to the Pharmacy, got home and from then on I've been laying in bed between dreams and reality..... ...

23rd Aquamarine Day, 54th Scroll - AM

My Good Luck Charm

Two messages were sent to me today.  They were extremely informative and inspiring!

Enjoy Life in the Moment!!!  Enjoy Life in the Moment!!!  Enjoy Life in the Moment!!!

22nd Aquamarine Day, 93rd Scroll - AM

Well shite went everywhere today, and I finally called a few people on it.  I have been tried and tried with the lies and manipulation.  I'm standing up now and calling the shots.  My parent's for once in there lives need to let me deal with my own family issues and stay out of it!  If they were up set because my sister some how got stuck in the middle and couldn't take it, then just say so and she will be left out.  We were trying to leave her out the whole time.  My family is fine.  We, Mollianne and I are strong and together.  In there OutSanity they think my kids are being neglected.  Totally not true.  Things in life happen, people in life deal with them.  Thats what I'm doing so back THE FUCK OUT MY BUSINESS AND LEAVE ME TO DEAL WITH WHAT IS MY ISSUE NOT YOURS!!!!  Everything is fine, we are all friends and anyone that wants to think other wise should come and talk to me.  So your not a Picnic Basket short of a sandwich.......

19th Auqamarine Day, 101st Scroll - AM

Today is a wonderful day. I had such a moment of real life watching my family peacefully at sleep. Hearing them breathe, listening to all the small sounds and movements they make. Little Pickle is still not happy with the nightly weening, but I'm sure a few more weeks she'll get over not nursing at night. Simon is getting so big and heavy, growing up with so many fascinating ideas running through his mind. He's working harder to speak to us, but it's still a work in progress. Don't give up my son... My Mollianne, my Queen. She has been so wonderful to me this past week, slowly retrieving a bit of the heaven I knew. We just got done watching the Frontline episode "The Farmer's Wife," and I've come to realize things in life could be much worse for both of us.  You could be in finacial ruins and teaching your kids that they're going to grow up the same way, and just continue a great cycle of poverty like their parents. Time to grow up and be a real adult and see that not everything in life will be exactly as we want it, but we made a bunch of awesome soup on the 17th and it taste great. Low points and real healthy for all of us. How come it's not always that simple?? Well it works out well since we have them all jarred so we can take one out each day and eat it for lunch. My backs still not correct but feels better then it did two days ago. Trying to get back on my workout routine, since my Queen is kicking my ass in that department... But I'm still giving her a run for her points in the food department!!! Mwa ha ha!
We'll see how this week turns out on the 20th. Got a great weekend planned out with my sister and our really good friend Zach. Table games, Wii... Chili Cheese dip (OH so bad on the points list!) but oh so tasty. Well got binky's to get.